GUIDE: What to not say to a transgender person

Okay, so I have a lesson for you today. Many of you might not like it, but it's actually for the sake of respect, and other people's well being. As you know, I identify as a transgender boy. I struggle with things like this daily, so I wanted to write about it, in order to teach you who want to know how to treat other transgender people. 

I can't speak for all transgender people out there, everyone's different, and may be okay with some things other aren't okay with, etc. So keep that in mind. 

 DO NOT

• Use the term "real girl/boy". A transgender person is not imaginary. You should instead use the word 'biological girl/boy', IF it's necessary. It rarely is. Only for like, medical reasons and so on. Like, how often is it really necessary to speak about genitalias of a person, or what's inside of them?
  
• Ask them "what's your real name?". That's just bitchy. If they use a female/male/unisex name, and introduces themselves as such, you should not question it just because they are transgender. If they feel like telling you, they will. Names can be a sensitive subject.

•  Try to determine what gender they are by touching their GODDAMN CHEST. Believe me, this has happened to me, and I was so close to punch that girl in the face. Just like with any other people you meet, you don't just randomly walk up to touch, or squeeze a part of their body. ABSOLUTELY NOT. That is common sense? I have no idea what some people are thinking. (Note: Just because someone has breasts/lacks breast doesn't tell you what gender they are).
• Tell them they are going through a phase. Sure. All people are different, and in the end, not all people continue to feel the same way. Some go back to feeling like their biological gender. But many doesn't. So don't be an ass, take people seriously when they tell you about their gender identity.
  
• Tell someone they're too feminine/masculine to be transgender. Another thing that pisses me off, SO MUCH. So ok. A guy can't wear makeup? Dresses, skirts, long hair? No? A girl can't have short hair, not like makeup, wear boyish clothes and like typical 'manly things'? Grow up. Learn something new. See the world as it is. The stereotypes of females and males should not decide what a man or a women is like. The worlds changing a lot, all the time. And so is the people in it.
  
• Expect that you can ask whatever personal question you want, just because this is a person with a different gender identity type than you probably are used to. It's okay to be curious and want to learn but remember to show respect and be polite.
• Mistake transgender people for transvestites. A transvestite is someone who dresses as the opposite gender. Like, a man dressing up as a female, but still identifying as a man. A transgender person is someone born in "the wrong body". A person with a female body, identifying as a male, and the other way around.
• Try to tell them that they look "better" as their biological gender. It might seem like a compliment, but it's really not. It can bring down their confidence quite a bit actually.
• Say things like "I thought you were a real boy/girl!" if they come out to you. Once again, you might think it's a compliment, but it's actually not. Using the word "real" is never really good for this kind of things. It's more acceptable to say that, for example, you think a trans boy look very manly, if you're talking about such a subject, like looks/being trans.
• Randomly bring up something like "oh you look like a boy/girl today/you look very boy-ish/girl-ish!", as it's not a compliment either, at least not for most people I know. It's nothing you say to your girl or guy friends, is it? Walking up to a biological man and pat his shoulder saying, "wow you look manly today". Some people are okay with it of course, but just be sure you're aware of how 'sensitive' the transperson is, or how he/she feels about those sort of compliments.
  
• Ask what's in their pants. You wouldn't do that to anyone else, so why this person? It's nobody's business except the person and their partner.
• Tell them "to me you'll always be (birth name/biological gender)!" Stop. It's rude. It will hurt, and it's just incredibly disrespectful.
• Go on about how hard it is to remember the "new" name/pronoun. We know. We have been told so, oh so many times. If you say the wrong name/pronoun, correct yourself, and move on. That's the best thing you can do if you're struggling. Don't be stubborn jerk and stay with the old name/pronoun because it's easier for you.
• Ask "how are you gonna have kids?". Uh-uh. Not your problems. It's the 20th century. They're more ways than one to have a kid if you want one.
• Don't mix trans-stuff with sexuality. Just because someone is a trans boy doesn't make them like girls. Or trans girls like guys. They can be bisexual, heterosexual (yes, you may find it confusing), pansexual, asexual homosexual, or whatever.
• Think that someone just decides that they are transsexual. It's nothing you want to choose for yourself. It's something you just are, and it's something you can't help. It's not because of your parents, your childhood, whatever. It what you are.
• Think that a person is transgender because of their sexuality. For example, don't ask a trans boy who prefer girls if they "want to be a boy" because they are lesbian. NO. NO. NO. Happened to me, and I was so annoyed. Firstly, how can a boy be lesbian? No. And then, transgender and sexuality if not the same thing. You don't feel like the opposite sex just because of your sexuality.
• Say things like "back when you were a girl/boy". Okay, picky picky... but the correct sentence would be "when you identified as a girl/boy".
   
• Don't question a transperson because of what public bathroom they choose to use.
  
• Tell a transgender person that they are confused.
• Try to group a transperson up with others of the same biological gender IF for example activities choose to split girls and boys up. A trans boy should not be forced to go with the girl group unless he wants to, etc.
  
• Tell them "If you have a "penis/vagina" you are a boy/girl" and everything alike.
  There are actually way more than this, but I feel like I had to stop somewhere. These are amongst the most important things, and then some other things that might be good to think of.
  
  Then let's also remember that there are people who identity themselves as something in between man and woman, the rather 'invisible' intergender/genderfluid people, who often are forgotten.
  
  It's important to remember that not all people are the same, or born with the same conditions. Gender identity is very important, but also very misunderstood because of the lack of knowledge. I hope you have read this and understood how important it is to show respect.
  
  Thank you for reading.