What a lovely week! ♡

So this lovely week as come to an end. Sebastian is leaving today, and we both have caught colds, just like the rest of our friends. Stupid cold weather! At least I'm feeling better mentally thanks to awesome buddies! I'm just sad that I won't see my boyfriend in ages but well, we celebrate half a year tomorrow and we're used to the distance by now, so I think we'll be ok. Besides, I love him very much and some distance can't kill a love like this one!

And I'm so in love with my lenses from Lensvillage, it's crazy. I can't get over how comfortable they are and the cool look they give me. I can't wait until I can get my hands on my pairs from Lenscircle.com and UNIQSO! The brown ones from Uniqso will work great with my upcoming Akihito Kanbara (Koukai No Konata) cosplay! And I will be getting purple ones from Lenscircle.com that I will be using for my butler outfit. Because I recently got employed by my friend and her maid café, so I will be creating my own Butler character that I will be playing as I work. The one I'm thinking of now is a cute, shota, 'senpai-notice-me' kind of butler, with purple eyes and hair that is pink with a purple top layer! That is the kind of role I'm VERY good at playing haha! I think I will be using my Japanese nickname Niisuke as well... I'm so looking forward to it! It looks like I will be working at Närcon Summer, but I'm not sure yet.

There's so many projects I want to work on, but I seriously don't know where to start, and I also want to, and HAVE TO, finish everything with school. That's the most important part even though it isn't always the most fun thing. *sighs*

Well, I should be cleaning. And making vanilla pannacotta with chocolate and raspberries because we will be having guests tomorrow. AHHHH SO MUCH TO DO AND I JUST WANNA CUDDLE UP WITH MY HUSBANDO IN BED BUT HE'S DOING HIS HAIR AND MAKEUP THAT BASTARD.

Chuuuu ~ ♡  

♡ Lensvillage review ♡

So today I finally got hold of my circle lenses from Lensvillage! These are a pair of i.Fairy Tofi Gold lenses! ♡

I've never owned a pair of lenses this big. They are 16.2 mm (normal contacts are about 14 mm). It makes such an extreme and awesome effect! I was a little curious about what it would be like to wear such big lenses but really, I can't feel a difference. These are probably the most comfy lenses I have EVER owned. It was SO easy to slide them in, and they never felt weird or anything. I wore them for about 6 hours straight the first time and I never had a single problem with them. (Never wear circle lenses for longer than 8 hours, sweethearts!)

The color is yellow/golden, but they blend with my dark blue/green/grey eyes and may look slightly green. I just love it.

They came with a cute animal lens case! I know some people have been complaining about these lens cases, that they dry quickly, but I have never experienced such a thing and I have 4 different animal lens cases and my boyfriend have about 8, and we haven't had any problems. You should change lens solution every now and then, depending on how often you wear the lenses. I left mine untouched for at least 2 or 3 months and they weren't dried out. But always be sure to check! The lenses life time are about 12 months, depending on how well you take care of them. NEVER use a damaged lens. 

I'm very pleased with these lenses and they will work out great for my Aoba Seragaki (DRAMAtical murder) cosplay. I'm so happy about them ^____^

So these costs 22.00$ (+ shipping). I really recommend these, not only for cosplay but also for daily wear for anyone who likes cool and different styles and fashion.

Link to the lenses: i.Fairy Tofi Gold Lenses 

Chuuuuu darlings! ♡

Thank you. I love you. Rest in peace ♡

Ohhh well! So Närcon Vinter is over. The con felt like it took lace in one week rather than four days. It was so exhausting! But it was fun as well, forunately. Some really sad things happened during the weekend though, and the thing I want to mention is that I lost a dear friend of mine.

Miklos, or Micke, was a close friend of mine. He was like my best friend, father, grandpa, all at once. He was always there, supporting, caring, accepting and understanding. He was amazing, so generous and kind. Even if I didn't want to smile all the time, he could always make me. His hugs, so comfy, his scent made me feel safe and at home. His warm brown eyes looking at me with love, as if I was his own child or grandchild. I never saw him make one single selfish action. He always thought of others first. He was quite unfortunate though. He was born in Hungary during the second world war. His family was killed but he was saved and made it to Sweden. He lost his wife and daughter. I remember the daughter had cancer. But he had his son left. He took care of me and my mother though. But now cancer got him too.

I know he was in pain. I knew he suffered. He needed to be released. Yet I wished I had been able to hug him one last time. Said 'thank you' one last time. I wish I had told him I love him. Last time we met I didn't know he would die this soon. I didn't know how tough the cancer in his body was. If I had known, I would have made our last meeting different. It seems so long ago now. He refused to meet anyone, and barely took any phone calls while he was at the hospital. But I know there was a good reason for that. He wanted us to remember the healthy and strong Miklos. Not the shell he was before he left Earth. And I want to be able to respect and accept that. It's just hard knowing that there is no such thing as a revival stone, elixir, or replay button in real life. You can't go back and change and undo things. You don't get second chances like that. This is why I feel like I have to write this. It feels as if somehow he will be able to read this.

Micke, you are one of the best persons who have ever walked this Earth. I love you. Please rest, you deserve it. I will make sure to manage everything and make sure mom will be alright. I promise you that ♡

I don't know... I can't really stop crying while writing this. At least I have someone patting my shoulder and making sure I'm okay. I'll stay strong. This is a part of life, and at least you don't have to feel the pain anymore. I just hope you didn't die with worry and anxiety in your chest. This was... a very emotional piece of text that I just had to write. Let out some feelings. I got the news from my mom at the con, so I broke down then and there and just screamed and cried for minutes into Tir's lap. I'm so happy I have my friends. Tir, Sebastian, Ida, Isa and Johanna, they were there for me the whole time, cheering me up and talking about it. And so was the nice nurse at the con. Even though the rest of the weekend felt quite mizerable, I had a nice time. I will write more about it later, hopefully. I just needed to get this out of my chest and mind. 

Chuu, little puppies~ ♡

♡ Playing with makeup ♡

So I played around with makeup some the other day, to look a bit like an OC I have been thinking of lately! I've been wondering if I should write a small story for a Visual Novel and make it with a great program I got recently. I just need to ask my dear illustrator if she wants to do it with me!

He's a demon or a spirit, I'm not sure yet, and he will have some sort of connection to an exorcist or a priest, I think. It will probably turn out to be yaoi, as it always does... *sighs*

To do this makeup I used white Kryolan Oil Based body paint, a normal black liquid eyeliner, a false lash (randomly picked from eBay), a normal black eyebrow pencil, some red lip liner, and my Super Pinky Bright Red Circle Lenses from Lensvillage.com!

Tonight Sebastian will be arriving to Stockholm, and I'm so excited! I've missed him so much, really. Well, of course, he's my beloved boyfriend and all. Tomorrow we, waifu, and Tir will take the bus to Närcon Vinter in Linköping. I'm really looking forward to it! Aoba, Judal, Ciel and Nagisa is on the schedule, and also I will be selling my stuff from Jackocalypse Design. I hope people at the con will like the stuff I've made... I worked hard with it. (*＾ワ＾*) 

If you're going to NCV, please don't be scared to come over and say hi! I'll be hanging out with some close friends, and if I seem stressed or something, it's alright, I just might not be a lot of fun during my unstable periods, but I'd love to meet all of you! I always get sad when you write to me afterwards telling me 'I saw you but I didn't dare to say hi'. I understand it, it's a little creepy to take the first step, but it makes me happy. So come and hug me and say hi please!

I hope all of you will have a great night anyway, because I'll be packing, showering, fix the last on my cosplays, enjoy a cup of tea and plan a future ask panel with waifu! Chu! ~ ♡ 

Relationship thoughts

I have been thinking lately, that I am incredibly lucky. In three days my boyfriend will be travelling about 110 Swedish miles to come and see me, spend time with me and go to Närcon Vinter in Linköping to cosplay with him. He always cares so much for me, and he always wants to make me happy. He's super sweet and kind. Loving, gentle and generous.

I believe that if there's something like 'soul mates', he has to be mine. I'm the kind of person who fears being alone. I want to have a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or that really close best friend that knows me better than anyone else. But as the years passed I stopped fearing, and calmed down. But a lot of shit happened, and for once I only wanted to be alone. That was when I met Sebastian. A ten years older guy who happened to live on the other side of Sweden. Yep, high score.

I haven't always had the best of best friends. Sooner or later they have ended up leaving me, or treated me badly. But for the first time in forever, I really got the best of friends. Sebastian became my best friend so quickly, thanks to being so much alike me, sharing the same opinions, interests, liked the same kind of things and all. I had been so unstable, but he straightened me up and made me happy. Calls and texts, chatting, planning. Now so many months later he's one of most important persons in my life, as my best friend and boyfriend.

I know everyone isn't as lucky as me. I hear people complaining all the time about how they want a boyfriend or girlfriend, but that they can't fall in love, or that the ones they like doesn't like them back, and things alike. It's hard, I know that myself. But I also know that love will come when you least expect it. When I met Sebastian I was determined to be single and enjoy life as it was. But after talking that much for him, and feeling the feelings I felt, I just had to forget about that. I knew he was the guy for me. I'm just happy he feels the same way, and that we both can give each other equal feelings. 

For me relationships are serious stuff. I never go out with someone I know it won't last long with, and I have to have very strong feelings for the person. I want it to be serious, to last long, and that the relationship will be happy and successful, and that we will be able to trust each other and hold each other up, care and make it all work. I want to feel safe. I do now. I have the experience and strength now, to be able to tell when it will work out and not.

But it's also hard to step out of a relationship that is bad for you, if you still love the person, and care for him/her. It takes a lot of energy to work that out and it's mostly useless in the end. I've been through that several times and it makes you feel so crappy every time.

I'm just happy I have someone like my boyfriend. He's the best of the best. We're as tight as ever and honestly, I hope it will be like this for a very long time. There's no one that can make me as happy as he makes me, by doing such simple things. Spoiling me, teasing me, loving me, talking to me. Every little thing he does is just worth so much, and the love I feel is pure and strong... And I really couldn't resist writing this because after last night late night talk with him, I'm full of feels. ♡ 

♡ My Super Pinky Blue Lenses ♡

So today I will be writing about my new lenses from Honeycolor.com! These ones are Super Pinky Blue, and costs 25.90 $ (plus shipping). When you buy your lenses from honeycolor, you also receive a super cute animal shaped lenscase! As you can se mine are pink pigs... or hippos. I'm not sure haha but it's cute anyway!~

I bought these with the intention to use them for cosplay, and sometimes daily use. I have several cosplays that they would be useful for, seeing as I cosplay Kaito Shion (Vocaloid), Ciel Phantomhive (Kuroshitsuji), and Rin Okumura (Ao No Exorcist). I'm sure I'm forgetting someone, but you see my point. A lot of characters with blue eyes!

So I went roaming through wellknown lens websites, when I bumped into these beauties! It was love at first sight. I love the Super Pinky colletions, and I already have a Super Pinky Bright Red pair of lenses.

I like these a lot. They are very comfortable and the color is vivid, and make my eyes look a lot bigger, giving me that innocent shota look I like. These are 14.8 mm in diameter, so they're actually only slightly bigger than usual contacts.

They're not a trouble at all, because after I wore them a couple of minutes, I kind of forgot I was wearing them because they're so comfy you barely feel them. It's not hard to put them in or take them out if you're a bit used to lenses. They don't slide around a lot like some lenses do, and to me they're just perfect. I warmly recommend these lenses. And as mentioned earlier, there's more colors than blue. I'm looking forward until I can get my hands on the violet ones! 。(⌒∇⌒。)

Link for the lenses: 

http://www.honeycolor.com/super-pinky-blue.html

♡ Happy Valentines Day ♡

So it has eventually come. The special day that's called Valentines Day, invented to be a extraordinary day when we honor and celebrate love. I have to be honest - I haven't always liked this day. Just like so many others, I have actually loathed it at times. Being single on a day of love,  when you wish to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, can be painful. After all couples and others are celebrating and the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing is getting a little more attention. But I really think that even if you're sad about not having a partner, you should be happy for those who have one. Your time will come, sooner or later. I would never have thought I would have Sebastian, half a year ago. Now we're celebrating 5 months in a week. He's coming here in 6 days! ♡  

This far, the day has been just great. It's Friday, to begin with, and I love Fridays. I woke up to late and only had 10 minutes to get dressed, draw eyebrows and put in my contacts, but I didn't feel stressed. My 'foster dad' Niklas made my breakfast to eat on the train. I only had one class today, so I ended early after finishing my reportage, and went to see my mom and get some stuff. Went to the bank and got myself some cash to pay for some buss tickets, and since I had so much time left before the next train, I bought myself some blusher, which will be great for cosplay and for Judal's eyemakeup. 

As I got home, I had a package waiting for me. Mhm of course my dear boyfriend had sent me something! A totally adorable penguin iPhone case that I had been wanting for a while, a really cute card and an awesome bracelet! Ahhhh I blushed really hard because he's so sweet and spoiling me.

And now I'm in bed, with my laptop and a snoring dog by my feet (the other dog went to the kitchen in a try to get a snack haha!), and tonight I'll be cooking for Niklas, we'll watch a movie or something, and just have a cozy night since Johan is working at the restaurant.

So right now you could say I'm a very happy little magical shota boy! ^___^ Chu chu, I hope you all have a nice day! ♡

Female, male, WHATEVER?!

Sooo... have I have had these quite annoying thoughts lately. Something has been bugging more for quite a while. As many people now, I'm quite feminine. I was born with very androgynous features, and I can even look quite a bit like a girl. But I'm a boy. I choose to bring out my neutral sides, and feminine looks, by using makeup, kind of cute clothing styles and so on, at times. But just because I'm not a tall, super manly guy, people keep telling me that I'm weird for being the way I am. And it pisses me off. SO MUCH. It's like, if you are a guy and use makeup, you're gay. Wrong. Or if you're a girl and like to dress like a boy, you're a lesbian. WRONG. There's so many stereotypes, and people are so judgmental at times. I want to dress and look the way I want without getting judged. I suppose everyone wants that.. But it honestly seems impossible. I guess it will always be like that. Even though it has gotten better and better over the years. Mostly I don't care what people think, but sometimes it's so goddamn annoying. Genders doesn't matter, we're still humans, still people. We just have some different physical abilities, and we have developed different kinds of minds. But that doesn't mean we can't look like we want. That something has to be for women, like makeup, skirts, dresses and stuff alike. And typical mens' clothes shouldn't be just for men. But it has always been that way, and maybe it always will be? I don't know. No one knows.

Gosh, the world would maybe have been a little simpler if there hadn't been such things as men and women. If we were just people, with both genders at the same time. Maybe there had been some equality? Maybe not. Because we humans are so very very complicated creatures. Anyhow, this was just a small rant I had to have. It just annoys me at times even though I have gotten used to it. There's nothing wrong with being a woman, at all. I adore women. But knowing that I'm 100% male makes me feel weird when people start pointing me out as a girl. But I do understand that people are confused at times. That, on the other hand doesn't make me mad though.

Todays mood: EXCITED! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧

Wosh wosh wosh! Things are going good! I'm a little sick at the moment, and somewhat stressed, but I'm happy! ( ﾉ^ω^)ﾉﾟ 

I'm starting to work a little by a little moer in school now. I'm in the second year in high school now, but I have decided that I will redo this year next year, with the courses I skip this year, instead of starting my senior year. I will have more time to fix things up and get the grades I know I can get. My life has just been far too messy to be able to catch up with everything. So I'm happy about it! I'll be taking math, P.E, science and social studies. Hopefully even Japanese! 

Besides I have so much stuff to look forward to. I have about 6 or 7 cons that I'm planning to go to this year, here in Sweden. In only 9 days I'll be attending Närcon Winter in Linköping with my boyfriend and friends. I'm trying to finish my Judal wig for the con. It's so loooong and weird, but I love the character and the character design, so it will be fun having to deal with a long wig again, since all characters I cosplay have short hair, except Grell Sutcliff. And soon Aoba, but his hair isn't all that long. I'm really looking forward to cosplay again, even if it was just a month ago since the last con. I miss seeing my friends, and the cons cheer me up so much! ; n ; 

Also, I'm looking forward to meet new people and have awesome pictures taken and create new memories. 

Today... I'm actually a bit nervous though. Since my mom will be coming to me temporary foster home to see how I'm living and so on. I just feel bothered... because our relationship is so shaky right now. And I know I will feel kind of bad because how she behaves, and how she treats me. She's nice... but she can't see me for who I am. It's tough. She treats me like a kid and as if I'm someone else. Sure, I'm still a kid. But I'm 17, almost 18. Not 10. But she seems to think that. And it makes me feel stupid and all. But I have my foster family's support, and they're the best. 

Oh well, I better go study some history now... World war 1 and revolution stuff! >w<

♡ Amazing day ♡

So WOW. The show last night was so F-A-N-T-A-S-T-I-C. The music, the actors and actresses, the clothing, making, the songs, EVERYTHING. I actually got tears in my eyes during the first minutes of the musical, but... it was probably because it's my favorite musical and it was such a powerful opening. Niklas was perfect at portraying Sweeney, and I cannot really imagine any other Swede do it better than he did. It couldn't have been better. Haha, I actually went to go and see it today again, since Niklas' boyfriend was going to see him again, and he offered to take me with him. So I've seen it twice!

As soon as we got home today, I started baking for the first time in ages. Frozen raspberry cheesecakes with raspberry chocolate sprinkles! Gonna eat them tomorrow, and I'm sure they will be tasty! (=^･ω･^)y＝ 

We also had guests, and pizza night while watching tv, and even through I had a little breakdown during the middle of it, it was really nice! Niklas and I had a long, long, serious talk, and he's really good at making me feel better and happier again.

Besides, it looks like I will get sponsored! It has been confirmed that lovely Holley Tea Time will sponsor me, so I can review her absolutely gorgeous stuff! Also, Kawaiigoods showed interest but I will have to wait and see what she has to say. I'm super excited! It has been so long since I made any videos, or serious reviews so I'm looking forward to see what this will lead to. (ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

So besides all of that, I will be roaming around on eBay for another short while, before I go to bed. School tomorrow after all! Fuuuuun!~ Goodnight ♡

❤ New English Blog HELLO ❤

Since my last English blog crashed, and since so many of my dear followers have complained about me only blogging in Swedish, I have decided to make this new, fresh and cute English blog! I will share parts of my life with you, and let you know what have happened to me, what plans I have, cosplay updates, con updates, and whatever you might find interesting, and whatever I wish to write about I guess! 

I hope that will make all of you a little happier! (´ ▽｀).。ｏ♡

Anyhow, as some of you may already know, I haven't been living with either of my families for more than a month. The difficult situation at home became too much for me, so for 3 weeks I lived with my mentor and her family. But now I have been living with a kind of 'emergency foster family' for about 1,5 week, and they are just AMAZING. It's two guys, Niklas and Johan. And yes, they are gay. They are absolutely perfect for me. Very understanding, sweet, nice, careful and calm. Johan works as a boss for a restaurant, and Niklas is a musical singer. He's actually stand in for the famous singer Peter Jöback in the Swedish version of Sweeney Todd, and tonight I will watch him perform! I'm soooo excited! It will be a bit scary to see him act as Sweeney though, since I'm used to see his sweet and nice side. But I have listened and watched to him as he has practiced, and he's very talented. He'll do a great job portraying Sweeney Todd, really.

I'm happier now than I have been in quite a while. I can finally eat again. I sleep through the whole night without waking up all the time, and I don't have any nightmares. I choose more carefully between my friends, and I've taken a distance to my parents. My dear boyfriend Sebastian will be coming down a few days after Valentine's day, and we'll be going on a date, as well as the convention Närcon Vinter in Linköping. I'm looking forward to all the cosplays we'll wear!

The schedule for now is currently:
Thursday: Casual Judal (me) and Sinbad (Sebastian) from Magi
Friday: Ciel Phantomhive (me) and Sebastian Michaelis (Sebastian) from Kuroshitsuji [half day]
Casual Judal and Sinbad again [Half day]
Saturday: Koujaku (Sebastian) and Aoba (me) from DRAMAtical murder
Sunday: Nagisa Hazuki (me) and Rei Ryagazaki (Sebastian) from Free! Iwatobi Swimclub

As you can see... there will be lots and lots of yaoi ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Now... for tonight though, I will dress up and go and watch one of my favorite musicals of all time ❤