Happy Surprise!

Oh god. Where do I begin?

Firstly, I'm so disappointed with myself for not writing personal stuff more often. I want to do it, for many reasons. I've deleted so many personal posts because of different reasons. I've felt too whiny. I've felt stupid. I've been afraid of being judged. Being afraid when my family look me up online and misunderstand of question me. I stand for my opinions and thoughts, but at times it can be hard to express myself and get understood by others. 

As most of you might have noticed, if you follow me on Instagram, I've been pretty "ill" lately, and just lacked psychical energy. I have been trying to write a longer blog post to explain my "condition", even thought of making a video about it, but it's something I find difficult to explain and it feels like I miss out on things when I write, all the time. But I will try as many have been asking.

The other day, everything just became to much. Lack of sleep, then too much sleep. No hunger/appetite, then too much of that as well. Stress, bad people with lies and rumors, school stress, other personal issues and then on top of that missing my partner and needing his support and company. As he lives like, 1100 kilometers away, like, on the other side of the country, and it's a 12-13 hour drive really. And travelling as you know, is expensive, so we can only see eachother every second, or third month, mostly, unless I get a paid job trip to go to the northern of Sweden, like I did when I held a lecture at Skellefteå Pride last year. It's really tiring to have a distance relationship, but I know tons of people who have managed, and at least we leave on the same continent, in the same country! We can manage. But sometimes, like now it gets too rough. And I've literally broke down every day or every second day, from different reasons, and after some talk about serious things, I've felt that I'd had enough. My friend Wesker (MY LOVELY, PERFECT, GORGEOUS FRIEND WESKER <3) noticed that something was off, and called me to talk about it. Before I knew it, he'd booked train tickets for this Sunday, for a two week long stay in Sebastian's home town. I cried for surely half an hour just because I was so happy. School ends in a couple of days, I have no classes, I need some time off and just... help. This was such an amazing gift and I can't believe I have such awesome and generous friends! They prove it to me over and over again and I feel pretty spoiled, but very happy.

So all "plans" have been cancelled and I'm starting off summer with a 2 weeks "vacation" before it's even time for vacation... I will be spending lots of time with Sebastian, but I will try to make some videos and have a couple of photos taken of things I want to show you. And when I'm back, I know I will be drowning in different packages with cosplays, clothes, wigs and stuff that I recently ordered for some new projects aaaand maybe perhaps some "sobbu-sobbu-I'm-sad"-shopping, teehee... 

I haven't visited Sebastian's place, his parents and dogs in like, 6 months now so it will be nice! I really look forward to meet their new family members, which now are about a month old... The puppies of Vintersagas kennel! It's sad that they will go to new owners soon... But that's good for them, hopefully. I can't wait until I have a steady job and can get my own little baby to care for. I miss having dogs...!

Well... yes. So that's the situation now. I'm very happy, and feeling more relaxed knowing that I'm soon going to be far away from the stress here in town, bullshit and idiots saying things about me that is no where near true. I love my city, but everyone needs to chill out sometimes. I will take my time and enjoy this freedom and free time with my other half and our family! 

Thanks for all the sweet comments on all my social media lately. It means a lot! 

See you in my next post!