Thank you ♡

Yesterday, I realized just how very, very lucky I am. Sure, some days, I feel like total shit. Who doesn't? You need those days to be able to shine brighter other days.

I mean, I could have been homeless. I could have lived in a home where I was physically beaten. I could have been addicted to drugs, or alcohol. I could have went to a school where the teacher didn't care. I could have been all alone, without friends, and without a boyfriend who loves me. I could have been so poor, I couldn't even eat a proper meal every day, much less EVER shop anything just because I want the thing, and not because I desperately need it to live.

I have so much to be thankful for, and happy about. Even though I no longer have any contact with my dad, I have my mom. Sure, she has her illness, which has caused me to move away from her, and live with foster parents, but she's alive, and she loves me. That's all I need. It's sad to see her suffer, but I do what I can to help. My foster dads are AMAZING. So supporting, loving, helpful and caring. I have never really felt this at home ever, I think. I'm fully accepted for who I am, and what I believe in. My biggest addiction in life, is not crack, or vodka. It's probably Lemon Fanta, cosplay and anime. And that's not all that bad really. I have such great friends, who supports me, and show me lots of love. Of course I've had friends that just didn't work with me, so we 'broke up' more or less, but that's life. Jealousy, mistakes, misunderstandings and changed feelings and thoughts makes that happen. But you'll always find new friends. I love my friends so much, and they're my family. I don't feel like I would be myself without them. 

On top of that, I also have an amazing boyfriend, and even though he lives 12 hours away by train, and we can't see each other all that often, I'm so happy to have him, and he's of course one of the most important people in my life. I love him with all my heart, and he's my best friend.

I go to a school where the teachers are so helpful and really understands you, and if they don't, they really try. I wouldn't be living with such a great foster family today, if they hadn't supported me, helped me, and yelled so much at the social services. *laughs*

I have money to spend on things I need, but also things I want. I have enough money to eat out some times, I have money for clothes, makeup, wigs and cosplay. I have money to buy materials, and run my own, actually rather successful online store, which brings in some extra pocket money. I'm so, so happy about that, since crafting is one of my greatest passions, and just started out as a therapy. But sure, I'm not rich, but I can live really good for an 18 years old, like this.

I have so many things that I'm happy about in life. Why ignore this, to think of everything that's bad? Really, okay. So my dad won't talk to me anymore. Sure, that hurts, like getting hit in the face with a chair. But it's his loss. I have my gay foster dads, and friendly dads. Sure, they can never replace my dad, but if he's acting the way he is now, then I'll let him be that way. I have others that makes me happy, and accepts me.

I have many negative things, if I list them, but really, why do that when I can focus on positive stuff? Sometimes it's hard, but then I'll just try harder.

I have things to live for. Acting, cosplay, crafting, film making, friends, family, writing, dreaming, blogging, all of that. And also, I live for helping. I want to help others in need, who has the same problems, or problems that are alike the once I have.

My friends, family, school, and also of course all my internet friends and followers have helped me so much, to climb from the darkest, dirtiest pit, to where I am now, actually pretty far above the ground. Not too far though. But I have a great view from up here. And I can see what has to be done.

So I want to say thank you, for every compliment, every cute message, drawing, picture, everything. It means more than you all probably ever will know. I save it up, all of it, in my heart and mind. Also, even haters, thank you for your comments, your insults, everything. It has made me strong, and made me see my own flaws from another light, and that they're not as bad as I thought they were.

Lots of love, Jack